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Ch ch ch changes
19 Apr 2009 10:10PM
Easter is a time for fresh starts, new beginnings and growth. I have hovered on the brink of writing a new entry since the day after my last entry, but have struggled to think of what to write. I haven’t trained at all really over the last 3 weeks, partly due to my chest problem flaring up again but mainly that I have had little MMA to report on. Things are changing though in camp Bownds... I’m not talking necessarily about adaption or evolution, but rather wholesale change.
It’s no secret that the last 6 to 8 months have been a testing time for me and I’ve had a few ups and downs. In fact a conversation earlier today reminded me of how easy my life has been generally, which is perhaps why the latter part of 2008 and early 2009 has been so testing by contrast. A friend recently began reading some of my earlier blogs and was moved to comment that I was clearly ‘searching for answers and reason...’. Well having read them back myself I have to agree. I have always enjoyed testing myself, yet resented being tested by others. I have always enjoyed discovering new things, but have not been as enthusiastic about ‘being shown’ by others. This I now realise is what has held me back in so many aspects of my life. I need to be tested by others. By only testing myself I am limiting the boundaries of possibility and I stay fully (and comfortably) in control. I have to allow myself to be shown and not to be so egotistical as to think I know better. These are the key components to self improvement. Yes you need drive. Yes you need self motivation. But without a guiding hand, without support, without advice one is always fighting uphill. By letting yourself be guided, by allowing someone to support you and by listening to advice the battle is fought on more even ground. Self reliance and independence are admirable... but not necessary. A fraction of humility and conceding that you don’t always know best solves many, many problems. Life doesn’t get any easier, the pitfalls and problems remain the same, but it becomes more manageable when you let go of the ego.
In an MMA context I am going to start afresh as of tomorrow night. A clean slate if you like. When we fought Joey Van Wanrooij we looked at a slight change in tactics, which worked very well. Conversations with Pep and Matt since then have led to the conclusion that maybe I have undervalued some of the attributes I have as a fighter and maybe my strategies in previous fights are no longer as applicable. There are clearly areas for development and improvement, there always will be. I will let myself be guided, supported and advised more readily from now on. I still trust and value my own opinions obviously, but I have faith that others may be able to see the wider picture better than I can.
I don’t see this next step as an evolution. I see it as a rebirth.
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