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Motivation, footsteps and excuses
10 Oct 2008 8:30PM
There’s a fight in the distance. It’s a long way off yet, not even coming over the horizon. I can’t quite hear its footsteps and I think my hearing must be getting worse with each progressive fight (cauliflower ears can do that!). What I mean is that previously just the thought of the sound of said fight has been enough to get me in the gym kicking my own ass as well as having it handed to me by a queue of enthusiastic training partners. Before my pro debut I had a date in mind and flogged myself for 10 weeks, this reduced to about 8 weeks for fights two and three. Fight four saw a three week holiday in Thailand, one week of jogging, one week of MMA and all of sudden I was in the ring again… not ideal preparation I’ll agree but the result stands.
Over the last week or two I’ve argued the toss with Pep about when to fight and who we’d approach to get one. We’re essentially looking for something in early November and another in December if possible. I want to go into the New Year with 6 fights total under my belt (and hopefully a 5-1-0 record). Something though, is bothering me.
I’ve been really struggling to motivate myself.
Fitness, cardio, conditioning, whatever you want to call the hell fighters put themselves through to prepare physically for a fight is not a problem. I love training and love pushing myself in the gym, I get a real buzz from it. However, last night at our wrestling session I found it very hard to focus on what we were doing. I’ve felt like this a few times in the last week or two but brushed it off as lethargy or I’ve used my bloody rotator cuff injury as an excuse to sit out some elements of training. Matt asked me halfway through last night’s session if I was doing pressure drills (fight gone wrong) or MMA sparring at the end (we reserve the last 20 – 25 minutes for fight prep for anyone who has a bout coming up). My reply?
“I’m not really feelin’ it tonight mate… I might give it a miss.”
Now at the time I felt this was adequate.
“Negative learning you see!” I explained sagely to David, who nodded sagely. Then rolled his eyes.
“If I’m not up for it, it’s not worth it is it?” I stated to anyone who would listen.
I knew it then and I know it now. I gibbed it, I wussed, I pussied out, I did exactly what I have slated people for myself in the past. I bottled it. I found an excuse and used it and stuck with it. I must’ve known deep down ‘cos I agreed to do some sparring in the last 15 minutes, but even then as we came out:
“Only 80%... ok?” I pleaded.
I finished work earlier and came straight home. I still feel tired and it’s been a hard week all ways up, but I’m irritated that I wasted that session. That’s two hours of training I can never get back. There’s no point doing two extra hours as it still won’t make up for the time that was lost (I can do extra at any time) but that learning opportunity has now passed, irretrievably. I suppose my irritation lies in the fact that I feel I’ve shown a weakness in myself. The fact that others may have seen this weakness doesn’t bother me, but the fact that I can see it in myself does bother me a lot. In my overall fight prep plan I had today down as a rest day so I’m sticking with plan ‘A’ and I’m not going to the gym to try and recover the lost time. Instead I’m going to put my feet up, eat a big fat rump steak with potato wedges, salad and houmus and relax. Why? Why are things going to be different next week? Well, it’s because in my moment of weakness my hearing improved, I heard a noise - it is the distant rhythmic pounding footsteps of a big horrible middleweight who wants to punch my lights out.
I think I might’ve just found my motivation!
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