Here is an actual conversation I had at work today…

Girl: Hey, aren't you Mike Leng, the insanely famous and infamously sexy guy who writes for mmahitpit.com?

Me: Sorry, but you're kinda chubby, and Mike don't talk to chubby girls. He's afraid he might catch chubbiness (again).

Girl: That's totally understandable. In fact, with this muffin top, I kinda disgust myself. But please, I only need a minute of your time to ask some fitness questions.

Me: Okay, fine, but this will cost you £129 for the first minute, and £100 for each additional minute of my precious time you happen to take up.

Girl: Deal! Oh my, what a privilege! Okay, I want to lose this fat. I'll do anything. . .

Me: Stop right there. No, you won't "do anything." You say you will, you may even believe you will, but you won't.

Girl: Yes, yes, I will! So what kind of diet do you recommend?

Me: First, stop doing all the things you already know are making you fat. I bet you drink sodas, right?

Girl: Well, sometimes I. . .

Me: Shut up. You'll only cost yourself more money. Now, I could tell you to stop drinking all those colas because those useless calories will go straight to your fat ass or your aforementioned disgusting muffin top. But you know what you'll say? You'll say, "But Chris, I don't like the taste of diet soda." Then I'll have to smack you, then charge you for that reality smack.

Girl: But. . .

Me: That'll be £229.

Girl: But. . .

Me: If you say "but" again I'll double it. I take all major credit cards.

Ok it wasn’t quite like that but I bet that 90% of the people that are reading this have had a similar conversation. Now I'm not saying I'm a fitness guru or anything but I'm just going to stop giving people advice that ask for it (it always, ALWAYS leads to an argument).

Work is crazy at the moment so I will get a proper blog up next week. In the mean time here are 3 pieces of advice for this week (not that anyone gives a rats arse)

1)      Go watch Tranformers. Now.

2)      Do your stretching dammit.

3)      Read something apart from the paper. Seriously it will improve the quality of your life!